my writing

You see that I write sometimes in English and sometimes in Russian. I am not bragging about my linguistic knowledge as I fully realize that I do not know either language good enough to write for someone else's pleasure. So it implies I write for myself. I would like to apologize if a random reader finds mistakes of different kinds (and and he or she most certainly will:)).

my local war

What do you think of the name Mdgran Zluk? It was my nickname in 4d Boxing game when I first became the champion. I think it was in 11th round. I have beaten the Champ. The Champ is down. Technical knockout. It felt like magic. I remember thinking, "why now, why not earlier?" I ve been playing this game on and off for 5 years at that time. It was complete changeover. Before, I was convinced that it is impossible to beat the Champ and I just stubbornly kept fighting. After the very first knockdown I thought it just happened and the Champ is gonna get up and beat the shit out of me and throw me out of the ring. But then there was the second knockdown and then the third. Then we fought again and he kept loosing by TKO. It was in round 8, then 5, then 3, then 2. I did not know what to think. Couple of times he went down three times in the 1st round. The war was over. And that's just that, the brilliant, sparkling victory in the local war of my global ever-changing life.

why English?

Do you know why I torture this beautiful language and write in it? Because I do not have a russian keyboard:) well, technically the keyboard is russificated but there are no Cyrillic letters next to the standard Roman ones, so to type in Russian it takes awhile to find needed letters. Actually I think I have already explained myself on this matter.

a little breakdown

I had a nervous breakdown tonight talking to my father. I was declaring myself a total failure, loser, impotent, not wanting anything, afraid of people, not enjoying life and keeping my existence (what?) on pure will power. I did all that in rather hysterical manner, I guess trying to relieve myself from whatever is accumulated inside. Did not look good. I feel tired and not relieved. I hope I will not need this kind of scenes too often.