безсловесное состояние

АААА. Не могу. Не хочу. Не могу. Не хочу. АААААААААААжфлвамьтмзуцщшкегнмт832-4х24аожэ Как с головой окунают в деревенский унитаз. Как увольняют из-за не схожести характеров. Как ножом колют в сердце и легкие за 50 долларов. Как стареющие родители просят быть нужными и любимыми. Как хочется трахаться и не с кем. Как недостоин, не заслужил. Как надоел и мешал всем.

(no subject)

Got up at 8 and went to work to wait for the AC repair man. Brought with me running shoes and stuff to go to the hippodrome later. The repair man never came. RTS was trading. Strange, it is Saturday. Trading floor was dead. at 1pm went to run. Accelerated in the second half of the second circle. Was good, heart pumping, adrenaline, breathing hard, lungs expanded. Getting old but still good. Wandered around a bit and went to eat something. Had a kabab, unidentified kind of potato and Borjomi. Then went back to "meditate" to the hippodrome. Did not work. Wandered around again, felt watched and controlled, as always when I decide to do something on my own, something mine (or at least I think is mine). Came home. Now typing. When I was driving to some eatery, I started driving towards home and felt bad about going there, nearly started crying that I will have to go home. Then at the last turn I changed the direction and went somewhere else to eat. It felt like victory.